Yesterday, BA brunch, egotistical wit:

R: "Did you say her nickname was bubbles? Oh damn! I've always wanted a friend named Bubbles..."
A: "Sascha's nickname can be bubbles!"
We laugh. Me: "OK! I mean, I am pretty vacuous."
A: "You, vacuous? That's not the first adjective that comes to mind when I think of you."
Me: "I'd say there's a fair degree of vacuity there." Laughter. "Not absolute, or anything though—more just a sort of aeration." Laughter, again.

so i'm thinking maybe vegans don't really shit. maybe they just do these round, dark little goat droppings.


i write this because the words came into my head suddenly:
"i opened the door and sniffed. it was there. the stench of his vegetarian excrement. he must be home."