the snow begins to wilt
and the growing scene of grass, exposed
shows brown beneath the greening spring of light
i could stop and kiss time
on her smooth and thoughtless brow
and with my pocketknife
i could lock blades with the rusty scythe
of death, with his shy smile
glancing coy from behind the fuzz on the apple bough.
i could dispose of archaic terms
i picked up from old books
like "vex" and "wane" and "ebb"
and simply stand and laugh, yes,
'stand' and 'laugh'
and quote myself out of existence
losing my self in the warm, wordless womb
of the springwake.

Into my lifeless life
You rushed in fast, like a stormwater flashflood
Stopping my mouth. Fast,
But seeming to stop time
So a month takes ages;
Seems a year, or more.
More. More. I have to gasp
At the bright meniscus of this fishflood world
Of you, and you, and you --
You blotting out all other words
But 'you', and a few clichés
I never trusted in before - but now I do.
I do. I do. I will. To say it. Say it.
I could not, I cannot say more.
I just don't know. All floods subside, I guess,
But ours, I think, will leave an ark
Filled, two by two, with our paired lives, our animals
Our life.

[written months ago - mush mush mush]

i dont want her to be unhappy
every day i will be feeling terrible
gulty guilty guilty
no nervous system anymore, just a guilt complex
thats how ittl be

adapted by me from a sappho fragment, and somehow relevant:


I truly wish to die.
She left me in tears, saying
“We’ve suffered so terribly, us two,
Sappho, I don’t, I really don’t want to go away.” And I said to her:
“Go and be happy, remembering me,
For you know how I cared about you,
And if you don’t, I want to remind you…”

come be my godfathermafiaboss
my badboybuddybloodcurdling boss
beat me with feelings and dirty my mind
twist the rinsewater out and then say:
ONLY BY SAYING IT OVER CAN YOU MAKE IT GO AWAY
ONLY BY SAYING IT OVER CAN YOU MAKE IT GO AWAY
and i'll say:
"your sweet and generous nature."
i'll say, "your sweet and generous nature."
your sweet and generous nature.
your sweet and generous nature.

if i just had more fire in my blood
i'd grin and go
it would make sense
it would make sense to run
like a flashflood of flame along the plane
of dry grass outta here.

if i just had less lava in my blood
it might set fast
so i could stay, and know
"i want to stay. i want to stay."
not always wonder "if?"
not always question "yes?"

if i could drown the drought.
if i could drown them out.
if i could throw myself off the big cliff of otherness
it might make sense to go
it might make sense to stay

but it wouldn't be right to go
and it wouldn't be right to stay.

yahoo
transferring files, stressing, shd be tidying, prob wont get there, stressing, wasting time, stressing LOL
quality
thinkhaze
sounds nice
yahoo
tops
TOPS!
thinkhaze
it's all a bit of a surprise and din't realise you were leaving so soon!
yahoo
lol sucky
SUCKY!
lol
sorry hysteria
mild, tho
no outward symptoms
THANK FUCK THEY HAVE PIANOS IN ENGLAND
something to vent on
THAT CAN BE MY NEXT SONG
Airvent
Soundvent
aznd rip off courtney loves doll veins
with DollVents
i cd have gills
porcelain gills
thinkhaze
that sounds nice
that could be fun
yahoo
thats it marc!!
thats the refrain
repeating bimbovoiced background:
"that sounds nice. that could be fun. that sound nice. that could be fun" with giggles
can i tell you something sick?
thinkhaze
please!
yahoo
I HAVE COME TO THE END OF MY HATRED FOR OPALS.
thinkhaze
lol
i uderstand
they're OK
blush
yahoo
LOL
shd i try to go back?
shd i try to backtrack?
thinkhaze
hmmm
nah
maladaptive
yahoo
ooh thats a good wor
d
what if i became an opal?
thinkhaze
i'm addicted to it
yahoo
would you watch me glint?
thinkhaze
yeah, that would be pretty cool
why, are youb ecoming an opal?
yahoo
i have no reason to believe so YET
and yet,
there's a sense
a sense of fractured coloured light, and depth
and glitter
and blue blueness
and a little sound the light makes like an "eek!"
thinkhaze
really? are u sure it's not a tinkling sound like a million lil bells?
yahoo
would that make me an opal?
OR A CUBIC ZIRCONIUM?!?!?!
thinkhaze
tinkling bells definitely more opal than cubic zirconium.
but cubic zirconium are pretty too.
but i think plastic and glass are pretty and valuable too.
yahoo
ME TOO!
and lucite. lucite.
thinkhaze
i'm naming my 2nd daughter "plastique"
yahoo
lol LOL
yes.
YES.
i agree.
i like rocks that come out of the earth
or both out of the earth and the sky (igneous)

me & bp:
bp:
we are apparently getting uniforms and I bet they will look shit, actually I know they will!
me:
one day u'll have a job where u have a bigger role in policy direction, etc
in the meantime, you're a lackey
and that's just the way things are
if ur boss doesnt know whats good for him
thats not ur prob - you're still getting paid
paid to feel frustrated and impotent - better than feeling
frustrated and impotent for free!


yahoo
glad u think so : )
yeah sleep good, u know what tho
my sleep, while uninterrupted, has been so dreampacked that
it seems more intense than waking
so im not sure if its wrking out restful : )
infinitely better than tossturning tensing tossturning tho!
thinkhaze
yeah, dreams can be fun.
yahoo
they so can
lol im sorry
i am still laughing
at telling u 2 u didnt have to move
lol
god i suck
and am blind
ill send u pics when i get my ass together
thinkhaze
it's all good!
yahoo
what up to today?
thinkhaze
not much really - just reading news and crap and then going to see the dr at 4.
u
?
yahoo
transferring files, stressing, shd be tidying, prob wont get there, stressing, wasting time, stressing LOL
quality
thinkhaze
sounds nice
yahoo
tops
TOPS!
thinkhaze
it's all a bit of a surprise and din't realise you were leaving so soon!
yahoo
lol sucky
SUCKY!
lol
sorry hysteria
mild, tho
no outward symptoms
THANK FUCK THEY HAVE PIANOS IN ENGLAND
something to vent on
THAT CAN BE MY NEXT SONG
Airvent
Soundvent
aznd rip off courtney loves doll veins
with DollVents
i cd have gills
porcelain gills
thinkhaze
that sounds nice
that could be fun
yahoo
thats it marc!!
thats the refrain
repeating bimbovoiced background:
"that sounds nice. that could be fun. that sound nice. that could be fun" with giggles