i have finished ancient history, forever, til i die. pass into it all. its sad, i loved it so. and i have gone out with whimper too - i buggered my exam and all. it's all very dissapointing. i can't handle my workload at the moment. i cant even do anything. i think i really did give up. it hurts.

just a testimony to my lovely friends who came to my birthday and made it a low key delight. i think it suprises me how people are really so nice to me, if i knew me i think i would hate me, so, so, so much. i'd be jealous, for one.

I didn’t come here looking for you. I’m looking for your father.
I had this dream, you see. I was lifted, lofted up, lobbed up over the top of it all, among the stars, looking down, and spread below me was our whole family tree, distant and shimmering like an immense system of rivers, or arteries, branching and expanding in all directions, creeping out in a fractal like it was reaching for something. A system of arteries, veins, capillaries – the vascular system through which our human thoughts, ideas, the human condition, flows and enlivens and contaminates, circulating life into the null tissue of time.
And I felt numb because I don’t remember my own father, and I know how much you love yours, and I thought perhaps you could tell me.
What happens in the morning when you wake up and realize that you are only a juncture, a connector, a node in a network that spans eternity invisibly?
And why can we animate only the single shortcircuit of our own minds… we can only act and imagine each other… if I could I would crack us open like eggs and mix and whip and froth and froth and froth fruition.